Date however you like.

In October 2008, Miriam at Feministing posted about long-distance relationships. Some people took it as an attack, and the Feministing team leapt in, defending the article and its author. Unfortunately, defending it wasn’t what was needed: it needed improving upon; in fact, I’d go as far as to say it wasn’t even finished.

A blog on feminism will have a feminist lean to its posts: that’s understandable – but I don’t feel long distance relationships are a feminist issue, and because of that, this post needs to look at both sides of the situation and ask not just what the bad things are about LDRs but why people get involved in them, aside from the obvious – that they love someone who lives far away (there are reasons – we aren’t just gluttons for punishment). Because it hasn’t, people have understandably got their backs up; the third comment hit the nail right on the head:

“I don’t like the idea of anyone telling me who I should love.”

Not only that, but “it didn’t work for me” is never a good argument to back up “it’s shit”. An LDR didn’t work for Miriam, thus LDRs are bad for Miriam. They’re good for me. That doesn’t make them good, and I don’t claim that it does – I can completely see that they don’t work for some people, and that’s okay. We’re all different. That’s what makes us human.

As someone in multiple polyamorous relationships, all of which are long distance, ranging from 100 miles to 3500 miles, I will happily speak out against any campaign against long distance relationships, and Miriam who jokes about such, because I am happy in my relationships and I won’t sit back and take an assault on the safe, sane, consensual way I do my relationships.

I am happy. Yes, I miss my partners. Yes, it hurts to be alone sometimes. Yes, it’s horrible not knowing how long until you see your partner again… but on the other hand, in those days before you do see each other once more, little can mute your excitement, and when you fall into each other’s arms again for the first time, the adrenaline rush that comes with that is so intensely wonderful, I would guess it’s better than any artificial high. You don’t just get the first hug, the first date, the first kiss … you get a new one every time you see each other – and of course, the time you spend together is worth so much more for being apart in between.

I can’t help who I fall in love with or where they live. I didn’t even have the choice of moving away or not: I have never lived in the same town or city as any of my partners. If I’m in love with someone many miles away and we need to get on a train or a plane to go see each other, then damnit, we will do.